A Journey To A Life Of Abundance
My healing journey lead me to the greatest love of my life, myself.
Someone asked me what was the best moment of my life and at the time I didn’t have an answer. Ask me that question now and without hesitation, I can give you many, but this one tops them all. The night I took the next step towards fulfilling one of my life dreams, to motivate and inspire others to become the best version of themselves. Celebrating Self-Love event by Futura was an event to go down in Aruba’s history, as it is only the beginning of something truly impactful and innovative for the island.
Preparing to go up there to share my self-love story, what I call my soul journey, I was so nervous the days that lead up. I asked myself, how am I going to share all my personal life story without hurting the ones I love and also remain relatable to an audience of people that I knew needed to hear my story. Somehow I managed to find the perfect balance and I faced my fears of being vulnerable in front of others. I spoke my truth, preserved the privacy of my loved ones, and managed to be relatable to many women in the audience. I thought at least if my story inspired one person to get started consciously on their journey I would have done something good.
Immediately after I finished I was so disappointed and ashamed for crying during my speech. However, turned out the entire audience was crying with me and I had no idea as I had given my speech to one very sweet girl in the audience, whom I did not know but felt a connection with as I gave my speech. Women of all ages came up to thank me for sharing my story and shared with me in the different ways they related to mine and how I had inspired them. One woman said how my story made them believe that anything is possible and at that moment I knew my message was received.
My entire life I was in search of the next big challenge, as soon as I felt comfortable, I’d start to itch for what’s next because I felt I wasn’t growing or learning anymore. “Do what makes you happy” is a quote that’s followed me throughout my life since I was 18, I can see now that finding happiness was important to me because I never really experienced it or had a good example of it growing up. I thought when I grow older I’ll become independent and create it for myself; the perfect career, partner, family and financial stability. It took me a long time to realize that the happiness I was searching for was something that laid within me all along.
Earlier this year the universe turned my life upside down when I unexpectedly lost my father, who was a walking inspiration on his own to the self-love journey I’ve been on. His death had triggered such an unfamiliar emotion in me that I couldn’t explain, I just felt empty and couldn’t cry. Everyone kept telling me it’ll come eventually, everyone grieves differently. I’m a person that always needs to understand myself as to why I feel the way I do, and it really bothered me that I could look at someone crying about my dad and feel nothing. I knew at this point there was something greatly wrong. I had so much to be sad about but I just kept trying to focus on being positive and grateful for the time I got to spend with him before he passed.
I felt inspired by the life he’d lived, with so much love, meaning and purpose I was eager to just make all the changes in my life and become a better person and help others like he had. I can now tell you I had been operating on this mindset for far too long in my life and everything was about the come crashing. While my intentions were in the right place, I had a long overdue healing trip to experience first and I wasn’t even aware. I went into a deep depression 4 months later which then lead me to the start of my healing journey of a build of emotions I’d been avoiding from experiences throughout my life starting from since I was a child. By consciously healing and releasing those negative emotions I started peeling layers of weight off me and loving myself more and more.
I now live every day with gratitude for the life I’ve been given, good and bad everything happened for a reason to prepare me for my life’s purpose. I want to motivate, inspire and help others to heal from whatever wounds they are carrying before the universe turns their world upside down and forces them to do so, like it did for me. For the first time in my life I can say I’m truly happy and absolutely nothing has changed in my external life; I’m 31, still single, same job, no kids the only change this time was from within, I built my own home.
Everyone’s journey is different than the other and there is no 12-step program, timeline, or even end to discovering yourself. It’s constant because even now every day I’m finding and loving and healing more layers of myself. There are plenty of aspects in your life to focus on bringing healthier habits helping you find the balance in creating clear more truly conscious thoughts about yourself and life. While finding that balance the journey is messy, hard, and at times painful, before things start getting clearer. Just as a kid can’t grow without growing pains, we as adults are the same. What’s important in this journey we call life is to self-reflect, learn, and grow from every person, challenge, and experience life throws at us. There will be lots of ups and downs then downs and ups and back again. But I promise you once you find that sweet place I call home, where your true self and your creator live, you’ll know exactly what to do to get back home every time. Everything you’ve ever needed is within you, stop looking outside and start searching inside.
